I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
