1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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