i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
My cat gives me a boner
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
