I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
