bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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