I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
So vagazzling was a success
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
