I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
