well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
