can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
