Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
