I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
