everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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