why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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