dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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