As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
No stitches, just platelets and will power
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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