I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Randomize
