Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
