his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
