i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
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