Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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