Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Randomize
