I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
