Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
