is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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