the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Randomize
