Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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