oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
