nut hugger
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
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