sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
