I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
My bed is full of blood and feathers
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
