There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
