Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
