allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
