I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Did you pee in the oven last night??
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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