If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
It's official drugs can't kill me
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Randomize
