After last night, I could never be a politician.
Is it because I queefed?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
