Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
pray to the hookup gods
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
