I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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