I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Randomize
