i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I've blown a few things in my day
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
