exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
You're a waste of cheezeits
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Everclear isn't food dammit
Randomize
