Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
