You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
