I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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