Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
