I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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