2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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