Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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