I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Holy shit dude........stairs
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
