currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
