3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
