There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
two words...techno handjob
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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