Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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